Sweet, Scatterbrained Madness!!!!

11:43PM - Sometimes you gotta go old school

I don't post here much at all, but sometimes I need somewhere open to less scrutiny. So here it is. Pay no mind to the all purpose you's they ain't got nothing to do with any of you that might stumble on this. 

I fucking hate you, I hate you so much it makes my blood boil, I wish I could make everyone forget you existed and slowly crush your goddamned skull hear every crack and snap then break the rest because I felt so inclined. If no one knew you were here then no one would feel any pain over me doing what I wanted, something vile and morally questionable because it could lead to my happiness. I admit you don't deserve my hate, far as I can you're a good person and are intitled to just as much happiness as I am, but my jealousy and selfishness make you an enemy. I regret that, but I'm human so fuck off and die why don't ya. I hate myself for feeling this way that's when my head's on straight, when I know I'm wrong, still I blame it all on you, I won't admit the world's changing and I haven't changed accordingly to remain relevant, I'm the same dreamer who can't admit his boat is sinking. So sorry for believing that everything is your fault, but Goddamnit make a fucking mistake then pester someone else. Sorry, be well. 


The following was a stream of conscious bloodletting (very emo and self pitying on a grand scale) I apologize for interrupting your regular scheduled programing the message above will be illrelevant in about two minutes. Go get a soda.

1:47AM

Normally I don't post in my livejournal as most of you know I don't really blog that much, but it's been a strange, odd couple of days  and I need somewhere to let out. I've kind of tried as much as possible to not discuss my private life or get involved in the lives of others., but honestly I'm really lost at the moment. One part of it is I'm fighting something inside I can't quite shake and it's frustrating, very frustrating it also makes me happy somedays and unhappy like I am today. I just can't. Thank God I quit my job because it makes me feel detached from everything I love family, friends and my passions, still I feel sort of empty. Another thing comes from the news as one of my heroes from when I was a kid did something awful and it's hard to wrap my head around. The stuff is adding up and I worry about things I've done or things I've said in ways I haven't in a while, I just need something to click and work-it doesn't feel that was right now. Apologies for speaking in odd  terms I just can't find the words right now and I fucking need to find the words. 

Sorry for the bullshit and that. I just need to get something out there in some way

10:26AM - Shameless Plugging

Hello kiddies I got this message from my friend (or is it acquaintances) Angela passed this along to me so I thought I'd pass it along in the spirit of theatre. I'm of course not in the show just plugging it because I also produce theatre and if I didn't shamelessly plug as many things as I know about i'd feel bad. 

-peace be with y'all 
Andy.

March is steadily approaching, so I've decided that it's time to let all of you know about my upcoming show.  For those of you I've already pestered about coming, consider this a reminder.  

From March 15th to 18th at the Refinery, Shakespeare's Shadows will be performing The Merchant of Venice, pretty damn close to unabridged (our advertisements say it's completely unabridged, but since we have removed a line referring to Portia's blonde hair, I don't feel comfortable making that claim).

The showtimes are as follows:  March 15th, 16th, and 17th at 7:30, and March 18th at 1:30 and 7:30.  Tickets are only $8 ($5 for those under 13, but I don't believe that applies to any of you).  Contact the Refinery for advance tickets if you're clever.

So, mark it down in your little day planner, tie a string around your index finger, write it on your forehead, do whatever you need to in order to remember.  I hope to see all of you there!

Cheers,
-Angela

12:42AM

I wish I were bulletproof and had a much thinner head.

That is all

4:56PM - Year End Roundup Part One Top Five Movies/Top Five Ongoing Comics

Ok so this year end list of stuff is a little late, but I figure I'll do it for kicks.. I haven't seen many of the movies I've wanted to (Clerks 2, Borat, The Fountain, The Prestige, Apocalypto etc.) so my top five for this year like most years is incomplete. If there are any shakeups I'll be sure to change the list retroactively. Anyways onwards...


5. Casino Royale 
It's a good Bond movie. No cartoonish crap here, just a smart,  much dirtier movie than the others. Craig may not be the best "movie bond", but he's probably the best actor that has ever played Bond  as a human being and it helps that he isn't a smung prick the whole time like Pierce in "Die Another Die". God that movie was a piece of shit.

4. Miami Vice
The movie is tense from the start and builds from there. Less is more in this one you don't need a bunch of dialogue to establish love you just feel the emotion. The film techniques are top notch as is the soundtracking and pacing. It's just a real well made movie and given the huge crop of disapointments in the summer films proves that a movie such as this is few and far between these days.

3.  V For Vendetta 
I have left a theatre angry twice this year. Once for the two hours and 15 minute advertisment for Pirates 3 that was Dead Man's Chest and after I started thinking about this particular film. An angry reaction to the ideas presented shows to me that a film has a personal effect and I find myself shocked still at the lengths people will go for power in society and also thow fine the line is between the concept of political uprising and terrorism and how we distinguish it. Also it's a comic book movie and given my disapointment with X-Men and Superman this had to go in somewhere despite that stupid "Knife-time thing at the end (fucking retarded). 

2. The Departed 
Well contructed, gloriously acted and consistantly building tension. it's another solid Scorsese picture. Costigan getting out of the elevator gave me shivers for the rest of the week. It's a gooder

1. Snakes On A Plane
Simply put the most entertaining film I saw last year. The Departed was probably a better constructed film, but this one was pure entertainment, which gives it the edge for me. 


Just going to list my top five ongoing comics and be on my way then

5. Local (When it comes out)
4. Justice League Of America/Justice Society Of America
3. Teen Titans
2. Ultimate Spider-Man/Ultimates 2
1. Runaways 

Peace be with you all 
Andy

2:40AM - Pancakes At 4 AM

That sounds good right now

I need to get some sleep.

2:39AM - blah (or random nonsense poetry self-indulgance)

Ah the things we want, but are too lazy to bother fighting for...
eh I suppose it has a bright side keeps things honest, which I need more than anything else at this point...at least on one end. 
It's fun to be cryptic isn't it? 
inspires debate and conversation 
at least I hope so.
it makes things easier if people can guess 
doesn't it?
I sure hope so
Golly gee 
this pointless
ah well
to lazy to bother 
getting worked up
over unrequinted....



stuff

2:23AM - A Second Look At Superman Returns That Turns Into Meditations On Art

I watched Superman Returns for the second time tonight and first time since I bought it and first time since the advance showing I went to before it opened. Looking back it's much more thrilling and emotional on repeat viewing, though still a bit of a disapointment. Looking on it now does remind me of what I admire most in art: people who make art without fear of failure or without unease of letting the personal touches shine through. Superman Returns is like that. Singer loved the old Dick Donner films, the idea of the larger than life outcast using his gifts for the good of mankind and the whole idea that Supes was adopted by a kind couple that nurtured him. I thought it (the adoption and angst surrounding it and the outsider angle) was heavy handed, but you could tell those ideas resonated with him on a profound level. I admire that. King Kong is the same way. Most big popcorn movies lack that type window into the soul of a filmmaker or writer. I felt it with both those films, even though they are overlong and highly flawed pieces of work. I admire people who are willing to do something with personal resonence in a big budget way, commercial filmmaking has lot of that, both films aren't as fun as they should be, but you feel a connection with the material and a desire to do something great and to entertain, which is lacking in most other of those genre type pictures. Popular film seems to play it safe these days, The Departed comes to mind: great movie, but a little easy for Scorsese given his background, I admire the Aviator a little more though it's a lesser film because it's outside a comfort zone, yet still representing a facination.  I hope my works come off that way as well. I'm striving for that now, but I feel like I've done that and I hope I can continue that. 

I've been told not to put so much of my life into my stories, ...Happiness especially, but as callous as it may sound I've stopped listening because you can't always play it safe. The works I've done are still safe ones compared to movies  like 2001 or Taxi Driver or a play like The Mercy Seat, but I'm trying. To  make something like a Superman film small and personal is a challenge, writing experiences not so much. That never occured to me or the risk of failure of 3 shows running under my direction at once, I think that means I'm on the right track, Mike told me I crashed and burned, while I found that comment being made about a tribute to late uncle disrespecful, I never saw it that way, or that it ever could, it was my heart and soul. I don't Singer or Jackson cared that Supes and Kong flopped by commercial standards or that I didn't love either one, they just made something personal for the masses and watched it get eaten alive. 

Universal love of art is a problem so I've been told debate is the judge of what is great. People argue about your art and people will buy into it because everyone has an opinion. Proficiant is just that and shit is shit if it's a mix of both you have a masterpiece. Generally it seems the greatest and most praised and hated are personal works. Look at Darren Aronofsky's The Fountian as a modern example it's an obsession project of his that he couldn't get away from that attracts both ends of critial spectrum love and hate. I think the most personal works of artists especially writers are the one's no amount of damming reaction can change it. My personal example is ...Happiness I went through 2 directors, had 12  different actors attached to it. I refused to give it up. Apparently I've alienated and pissed people with the script and my parents and Ash and Josh are the only members of my family who like it, everyone else hates it. I was obsessed with finishing it to de-toxify from the pills and get back to reality. Getting it finished probably saved my life so I don't really care I'm proud of it and it means a great deal to me. I agree that it could be less blunt than it is, but c'est la vie. 

So as long and rambling as this is, what I mean to say, is that Superman Returns reminds me of how art should be made with passionate people in love with their medium that don't care about reaction, just to tell a story without fear or expectation. 

Sorry for the length and pretensition

12:39AM - Here we go meditating again...on wonderlost

jesselite (Jesse) put up some old photos on his lj of some of us  (myself, Jenny B, Braden, Iain, Cooley, Jesse [of course] and Lindsey) hanging out in my basement.  It brings a lot of conflicting emotions to the forefront as that period of my life is an odd one.  I loved it at the time and then started to sour on it a while ago. Loss of innocence and all that, if you know  me well I tend to bitch about the loss of innocence as we grow older and how you can never go home again. I've mellowed on that stance a bit, since a conversation I had with Katherine about the nature of innocence  a while ago. There's a certain innocence in growing older, making your way in the world and everything else that comes with being "mature". Looking at that photo I see all of us differently than I did even a few  months ago, I feel bad about it all. We hurt each other and had thin enough skin to make it stick longer than  it should've, we said and did stupid things and of course we still do, but still I don't think we ever doubted that we  loved each others company, did we? Eh who's to say I'm probably wrong, but fuck it I'd like to believe it was  the case. We were making an attempt to grow up together we were bound to make mistakes. Truth is I  regret looking at things the way I do, because I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin now than I did then and I enjoy my life a lot more.  I guess the passage of time taints things a bit, because all the stupid  things in between then and now color what memories I have of those moments.  Ah well eh. They were  good times and I'm sure that night was a good one, but I've stopped missing that. I guess that's what  makes me feel bad is that I don't miss it. I do regret that we stopped growing up together. Braden and I talk like the old days when we talk, water's under the bridge, I see less and less of Iain and Alison as  time goes by, but I certainly enjoy their company when I have it, I wonder how Jenny's doing, well  hopefully and I see and exchange pleasantries with Jesse most days, I regret the fact Lindsey and I  haven't spoken in four months, though I'm not prepared to discuss it with her, and I couldn't say if she'd  like to discuss this facr with me or not because I have absolutely no idea. I'm rambling incohently again  and I know it, but as much as I long for the future I live in the past. Those days of my second family, coffee conversations and the basement. It doesn't really matter if they were as sweet as I want to remember or not, I miss being a middle class, uncool, average high school kid and trying, for the first time to  figure it all out. I haven't figured it all out yet, I don't think any of us have (though I can only speak for myself)  I'm just wondering tonight how everyone else has done in that regard...figuring it all out.  Kind regards from my meditations  Andy McNab

Current mood: contemplative

Current music: "Postcards of Richard Nixon" by Elton John

12:46AM - Lying, Cheating and Stealing

Well t'was a good day, until it came up that today is the anniversary of the death of Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero was a famous pro wrestler, one of my favorites. It may seem kinda lame to get sad over a death in a pseudo sport which I attempt not to follow, but the guy was a real hero. He lost everything because of personal problems. He beat them and won back the respect and love of his wife and children and climbed back to the top of his profession. He beat his demons and sadly died before he really got to savor the victory. One of the saddest stories ever. Thing is I've had some similar issues, not on the same scale no doubt, but damaging just the same. Looking back I realize how important it is to remind yourself and everyone of the value of life. Bless you all for putting up with me. Much love to you all. Had to be reminded to say that. I do a lot these days and tires me quite a bit, back a couple years ago I could do it all without incident, but I'm not feeling the strain now, I was then. I'm talking in the abstract I admit, but trust me when I say I'm happy, I'm trying to be brave and I'm inspired. I love it. Things man made and made by myself, lurk in the darker corners of my mind, but I'm keeping them back. Bless you all for the support. It's also been about 7 years since my last fist fight and roughly two since my abstracted issue was layed to rest. About a year since I got back to work on living. We're closing in on a year since Floyd's passing as well. Of course it saddens me, but I also feel blessed because I've found what brings me happiness and I'm not dead or intitutionalized. Bless you all. Forgive me from the ramblings and nonsense. Just giving thanks.

Peace, Shalom, Viva La Raza
Andy

9:54AM - Hope

I think back to 2004-2005 where everything was at it's lowest ebb as I see it. My life, my work and the state of the world. My life changed for the better and I feel I'm doing my best work as a writer yet.  The world bore the brunt of  my pessimisim. Us and the US in particular. I was starting to think we were all on crack. I felt like we where years away from anarchy and suicide bombers all over North America. This morning for the first time in two years I have woken up hopeful for the future and not filled with rage about the state of the world. The mid term elections in America were last night and the democrats took back the house and when I went to sleep appeared to take the senate. I pray to God we have some sanity now. Now I hope we get a liberal leader that can take down Harper and reunite the party and I'm thinking it could happen. The Americans wised up so why shouldn't we? Hell Britney dumped K-Fed! This is the start of a new world folks. It a ways off, but maybe our neighbours will get their civil rights back and we'll get this afgan mess cleared up and America will learn proper forgein policy. A boy can hope and dream can't he?

It's snowing like a bitch outside and miserable weather, but it's home and normal, maybe humanity is normal again.

Gosh I hope so....

Current mood: satisfied

Current music: "Lake Fever" by The Tragically Hip (Music@Work, 2001)

10:56PM - I thought art from Kash might be interesting and Cooley's was at limit Blast foiled again!

The first five people to respond to this post will get some form of art, by me, about them. I make no guarantees about quality or type, but I will assure that I will give it good effort and that the art will be individual to you, so if you get a mixed CD or some sort of painting doodle, yours is the only one like it. Please give me some idea of what you want. (I promise I will listen and not just send you jpegs of old Canadian politicians).

The only catch, of course: if you sign up, you have to put this in your own journal as well.

12:08AM

 I found this survey at random while cleaning out my inbox it seemed interesting so I did it. It's probably been done before, but meh new to me. Sit back you might learn something.

Ok so here's the deal... Start with 100% and minus 1% for
everything that you've done! Mark the one's you've done with a *. Then repost as your "___% virgin".

11:25PM - Things that are going on...or something

• I bought the following records recently: Sam's Town by The Killers (Laughable, yet poignent and mystifing), Boys & Girls In America by The Hold Steady (Fan fucking Tastic), The Crane Wife by The Decemberists (A grower) The Information by Beck (Worth it for the stickers, the album's not half bad either), World Container by The Tragically Hip (Consistant and direct- a plus) and Atlantis: Hymns For Disco by K-os (haven't a chance to crack it yet)
• I got a role in an Off Broadway Children's Show called To Believe Or Not To Believe 2: Book Of Blue I play a wolf named Bernard and I have a lot of lines and have to sing. I'm learning to enjoy
• Dwayne (my drama prof) offered me a part in his show The Pinkerton Man, but my schedule wouldn't permit it. This depresses me emmensly
• I'm starting to believe I must not be a shit actor after all.
• I enjoy English class.
• I have a non fatally emo crush, nothing will come of it because she's much older. She covers for Pat at 8th Street Books on fridays and we talk every couple weeks. I enjoy this.
• I'm getting used to the idea of being hated. This amuses me.
• I've been moody lately...Man PMS.  
• I've being considered for promotion at my job (to sub assistant manager) and am going to take one which makes me the sub head of training crew. I need excitement.
• I continue to do anything for Redheads...take that as you will.
• I spend far too much time contemplating recreational drug use.
• I'm finally starting to grow up.
• The Kids...They don't fucking get it.

Current mood: grumpy

Current music: "The Kids Don't Get It" by The Tragically Hip

11:48PM - I Wish...

• I Had a Secret Muse 
• JLU Season One was out 
• I Were Rich 
• I Could Make Sleater-Kinney Get Back Together and Tom Lehrer Write Songs Again
• All my ex-muses were living in my mansion with me and my smart-ass kid Ethan and my lady Evan Rachel Wood (It's a recuring dream that brings me joy)
• My secret motivators/inspirations felt the same as I do
• I knew who'd rule as the lady part in "Hush"
• I heard back about "December's Children" & "The Great Chain Gang Of Being". Meh thing'll get in order.
• I could call that dude "Premature" without being immature (sadly impossible)
• I could pursue my passion without concequence
• I could end this wankfest

I just did

11:31PM - New Poems!

autistic_ninja good poems I swear!</span>

5:16PM - Our Sister Blog and The Ideagasm

Hi kids!

It's me posting quite a surprise eh? School is good and so are most other things. I'm in the midst of an ideagasm most of which I've fleshed out. they're all on the sisterraystudio blog which is where all my theatre, comic book or otherwise go. Right now we've got the first part of my new show "Hush" up now, plus a list of projects I'm currently developing and the pitch for a play called "The Authority" which I think is pretty sweet. I'm looking for a co-writer so if you're interested head over have a look and then post there and maybe I'll be able to formally announce some of the new projects I've got going. I'm not sure if y'all dig my stuff anymore, but this stuff once I announce it and get it started is gonna surprise people and really take things to a whole new level. I'm psyched and hopefully you will be. 

Peace out
Andy

Current mood: Ideagasm-y

Current music: "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by Scissor Sisters

6:56PM - Holy Fuck

Robert Downey Jr. is playing Iron Man. Best casting for comic movie ever!

Oh Emm Gee!

4:38PM - The Five Minute Post

Chilli Peppers=  Uber Kick ass!
Mars Volta = Uber Suck ass!
University = Slight yay
Today = Tiring 

Also today 
Rest In Peace Black Goliath (1976-2006) 
Your randomness will not be missed though your positive example to comic reading african-american youth will surely be missed. (by the way I'm dead serious about this last part it's a bummer, and a lazy bummer too)

11:24PM - This thing